Sense of Loss: Anger

Hello Readers,

Thank you for reading. When a major change in life happens, there are a range of thoughts and emotions that can be triggered. And it may not only have the emotions that are directly related to that specific experience or news that you’re going through at the time. Any kind of news can strike up a memory, that you thought was dealt with. It’s usually a memory that we related to a sad or angry time in our lives. Therefore, self-awareness is important in troubled times. It allows us to take a glance back and seek at our own reactions to that experience. But, sometimes when we’re in the middle of a crises, we get narrow minded, instead of embracing the change. It’s difficult to embrace the uncomfortable, but are bodies are extremely adaptable. When we’re dealing with any type of emotional and mental shock, our bodies are trying to make sense. And since we live under a social structure that believes in control. We take this lack of control and internalize it, feeling like it’s a weakness. It’s not. Don’t get me wrong, we do have control in certain areas in life and ourselves. Being shocked is not one of them. Receiving the news that our lives will change, without our consent, is a tough pill to swallow. Especially when we feel that the decision is not ours. There’s that lack of control, that we must deal with. So now we must learn how to accept that lack of control. Since control and life is a broad topic, I’m going to narrow down the subject to the sense of loss. As I stated in the previous post, Culture Shock is an event that is like the grieving process. You’ll start out with denial. “There’s no way this is happening.” And then, you may reach to the conclusion of, “How come I didn’t get a say.” That is our minds coming to the realization. That we didn’t have control over a decision that will change the course of our lives. Remember, when I’m discussing this portion of Culture Shock, it falls under the context of being forced to change our lives because of an unforeseen circumstance; Loss of job, maybe you have parents who are divorced and you need to pick up and move in with the other parent. There can be numerous reasons why, but the shock is universal. After the initial shock, and your disbelief of the situation has lifted. This can take you into the anger stage. There will be anger, believe me. How we deal with this is what we’re going to discuss.

In my opinion, anger is one of the most powerful emotions that we have, and it can help or harm us depending on our behavior. If you’re a person who reacts without thought, then it will harm. If you’re someone who holds in their anger, it can lead to depression. And either one of these ways can physically harm you. Therefore, self-awareness is important. Anger likes to feed; it needs to feed to live. This is where the past can haunt you and feed the anger through memory. Being able to identify which experience is driving the anger, will take some hard work. There are different ways that we can do this. I’ve mentioned before, that I write. If you’re someone who doesn’t like to write, then there are other ways to defuse that anger. If you enjoy sports, dancing, or running. The anger needs a release. It needs an outlet, and physical activity is a great way to unleash the anger. I know that anger is frowned upon in some societies, but I’m here to say that in a Culture Shock scenario, it’s common. Culture Shock is an experience that I consider a moral wound. It changes who we are at the very core. This anger that is felt, is understandable. But what can happen if you ignore the anger? It can spin out of control and lead you into the abyss.

Confronting the anger is what needs to be done, and you may have to ask for help. The best people to ask for help, are the ones that won’t judge. The one’s who will listen to you. I found it much easier to deal with the anger, when I speak it out loud. Tell someone. It helps make the anger real. You’re not trying to justify the anger, because it’s yours. Justifying is judgment. If you’re looking for someone to tell you whether you’re right or wrong in feeling this way, you’re setting yourself up to continue feeling angry. All you want to do is to release it, so you can continue with the healing process. When you release the anger, it allows us to step back and analyze. It helps us to move forward through the process.

I will continue the anger stage in my next post, because I believe that anger is the biggest obstacle that we have in loss. There are many parts to us that anger can feed from, or feed on. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them. If you went through this experience, feel free to share it with the readers. Other perspectives help tremendously, because what works for one, may not work for another. Thank you for reading Free-Word.

Sense of Loss: Initial Shock

Hello Reader,

Thank you for stopping by. I hope this information helps.

Are you prepping to move to a country with a different culture? Or, maybe you’re being forced to move because of some unforeseen circumstance? These experiences can shock the body to its core. Your body and mind will go through changes. Changes that will feel overwhelming at times and feel as though it’s taking forever for you to adjust. I can assure you, this shock will ease up, but it’ll take some hard work. Culture shock is a stressful encounter, and when the mind is not comfortable to high amounts of stress, it can lead to a range of emotions and thoughts. From depression, to making irrational choices. A sense of hopelessness may surface prior to your move. I’m here to help ease that blow and show you some effects this may have on your body, and how to prepare.
Culture shock can be looked at as a type of travelling, but there’s a major difference. You’re going to live there. When that initial shock begins to resonate, you may find yourself in panic mode. This is not unusual. If you can’t relate, you’re just not there yet. Since this is a major change in your life, beginning to identify your emotions and thoughts, will help you once the move happens. The are numerous activities that can be done to start the resonation of this change. For instance, I write poetry and stories. I’ll start by what is called the “stream of consciousness”. Whatever goes through your mind, you just write down. I say write, and I’ll give you my reason why. Since you’ll be going through a range of emotions, you will find that your mind and body connection becomes much stronger, and the release is more fulfilling. Plus, have you ever typed when you were angry? You can go through keyboards like they’re going out of style. At least with a pen, they shouldn’t break. And if you’re using a pencil, you’re essentially helping yourself in two ways. Writing, and sharpening your pencil can be a physical release, so your helping with the physical energy, as well. I’m using anger as the example, and it will surface. You’re going to enter a range of emotions that are involved with grief. Just so your aware, it’s healthy. A sense of loss doesn’t only occur with the death of a loved one. We are losing a piece of ourselves, and the mind is trying to make sense of it all. It’s going to be difficult to see at first, so I’ll try to explain it in a way that makes sense.

Through social teachings, we usually identify grief with a death of a person. But when something happens to us, an experience that abruptly changes our whole life, we tend to minimize the problem. Some people may say, ‘That’s life’. Others may say, ‘Life isn’t fair.’ You know what I say to those people, “No Shit.” Those are the ones you want to keep your distance from. Their no help. You will however, and as much as I hate to say this, but other issues will surface. Like in my last example. You’ll find out who truly cares about you. Back to the sense of loss. This overwhelming feeling may not be identified as a loss just yet, but I can tell you that it’s there. In the previous article, I explained how the brain and mind react to an overload of information. Writing down how you feel and what you think, will ease the burden on the mind. Slow down your thinking, and soon it will begin to resonate.

The first stage of grief will show its ugly face. This is the stage of denial. This is a powerful mechanism of the mind. In this case, it may tell you that this move is hard to believe, or this can’t be happening. This is common, and the faster you identify, the faster you can begin the healing process. If you find yourself having a difficult time, do not hesitate to find a therapist or counselor. There is no shame in doing what’s best for you. But a therapist can only take you so far, they can’t force you to stop being in denial. Only you can. They can help identify, give you options, and help you analyze your thought process. There’s a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Here’s a definition of CBT;

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy. This form of therapy modifies thought patterns in order to change moods and behaviors.( https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/cognitive-behavioral-therapy)

Here’s a stuck point in which most people have with our own sense of loss. When it comes down to a physical death, we can view the deceased. I’m not going to get into religious traditions right now, but that topic will be discussed. If you’re a family member or loved one, you may see the deceased at a viewing or a funeral. That allows us to visually see, and that helps our mind internalize and comprehend the loss. But, when we are confronted by a loss of who we are, without the tangible proof, it’s difficult to comprehend. This isn’t about the actual shock of the news, it’s about who we are, and what this move is going to do to us. We’ll feel a disruption, not only physical, but a moral disruption. What was once comfortable and secure, is now threatened by imminent change. In tomorrows posting, I will discuss the next stage of loss, which is anger. If your feeling uncomfortable in any way, please don’t hesitate to message Free-Word. And if there is anything that you want me to discuss any deeper, send a comment, and let me know. I look forward to hearing from you. If you want to follow, I appreciate that as well. Thank you for reading Free-Word.

 

Photo: http://www.dreamomania.info/dreamdictionary/feelings/loneliness_meaning/

She Moves In

She moves with passion, but remains motionless,
Passing her thoughts onto his heart with each beat.
Drawing them in…absorbing her.
The place in which his desires lay bare,
With a breath, whispering her fears,
Blowing a kiss.
She leans back on her spine and wonders,
Wondering will he feel her every desire.

Will he love her faults, without judgment? See her true form beneath the flesh?  Nakedness, when she lays in the light of night?
Wide brown eyes, pulling him in, drawing him closer to listen,                                              To hear the wanting in her chest.                                                                                               Laying herself out there, for his blue eyes to see.

Will he gaze upon her in a different light?
Love, an unconditional woman who he wants to be near, but she’s a dream.
She walks in his mind burning with a warmth he wants to feel,
But he can only see her in his mind.
And she sits there waiting for him,

Calling out to come closer, and as he moves in,
To kiss those lips, she vanishes.
Blending into the chaos of his mind, but he still hears her calling.
Calling out to find her, and while he seeks the woman with the soft voice,
That is etched into his heart
And with each beat, she calls out, come closer
And you will find me.

 

Photo: https://www.tattoosforyou.org/heart-tattoos.php

Through a Dream

It’s through a dream I can touch the midnight sky, kiss the moon that brings a nocturnal universe to life. It’s through a dream, a lion befriends a wolf. And an eagle swims with the sharks. It’s through dreams that the sun brings darkness, barreling down heat upon a desolate land, springing out palm trees. It’s through dreams where people hold hands with a ghost of a friend, that lies quietly on a hilltop, next to their enemy.

Dreams are what allows the cold breeze to kiss the thunder, who now wears the face of an ex-lover. It’s through dreams where madness turns into sanity, and shines a light on boundless darkness of a bottomless realm. It’s through dreams, where you can run from a puppy who smiles, because intimacy vanishes and falls between the cracks of space and time.

It’s also through the dream, where fear runs the mind, leaving footprints on the inside of your eyes. It’s also through the dream, where your demons awake, showing they still exist. It’s in the dream where time stand still, and the walls close in, from a world without boundaries. It’s through dreams, where you drown in a lake, or your legs just run in place. It’s in a dream where naked’s free, no fine to pay.

Anything can be, no control will help you see. Through a dream, they break the days. Splits them up, with a lengthy blink. And when you wake, to start that new beginning. It’s through the dream, you find out, the path has changed.

Desire and Doubt

The distance between us grows wildly, filling the space with desire and doubt.
A lust that rumbles in the loins, baiting my heart with trouble.
You’re a knee buckling, trash talker who triggers the unquestionable.
Down the spiral stairwell of twisted memories, that preys on the weakness of time.

And you hum softly, a melody that bares all… and shows nothing. A tune that stuns, with frozen overtones, burying my feet into the soft silky sands.

And as I struggle, you grab on tightly, digging your nails into my back, and we dance. Feeling safe in your arms, I hold tight. And you loosen the grip, placing your ear on my chest, and we live. My pulsing heart kisses your cheek. Your smile is the vacuum of hopelessness, and your breath carries the message of hope. You’re my lifeline to love, my sunshine with doves. And the moon, that cries with the wolves.

Scavenger of Conviction

Red wings sprout from the middle of your word
And you take flight, circling around for a thought with a heartbeat.
You search for anything, any scent of wounded love.
And when you find that smell,
You’ll nosedive in.

Flying parallel along the surface of the words
Scavenging for loose links,
That binds the foundation of life.
Sniffing around for a break in conviction
One with deep scars,
Craters that pulse in pain.

As you pass by, and ascend back overhead,
The scent of an open wound, brushing against your beak.
Placing you under a drooling trance,
And you circle back.
You have a known destination.
The broken link that holds together faith.
It was faith all along.
Confidence.
Strength.
That is humanity.

 

Photo: http://u.osu.edu/beef/2016/10/19/request-a-depredation-permit-before-black-vultures-attack/

No Diamond

He runs through the questions in his mind, of complex contradictions.
Buried under the electric green grass. Sparks rise between the blades,
Connecting the ground to his bare feet.
A charge runs through his body, pulling down with fury.
Like a diamond being crushed by carbon,

Except, he’s no diamond.
He’s the symbol of the dead.
Burying breaths of conscience
Keeping all his love hidden in the mines of his heart,
That’s seeking an eternal exit.

And the powering shock, forces his body to shake.
As the steel grip of a dying world, crushes his moral compass,
Causing the internal screams of nightmares.
The audience peeks between the holes of their safety nets,
Watching the man suffer. And the ground cracks under his frigid bones.
The dark, clouded ceiling is dropping, forcing the weight upon his head.
Pushing him further down. Into his grave.
A grave that has familiar faces.
And with open arms, they embrace the suffering
Welcoming the man, with pure love.
And Nature, suffers along with man.

Squeezing his breath, to a gasp…A final gasp.
The one in which Nature and man, become,
the same.